Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
