We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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