I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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