she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The convent might be a nice break from real life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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