Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
