I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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