when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
