Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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