I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
