I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
