I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
