woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
