But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
