He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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