I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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