He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
