Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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