They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize