Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
