he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
