I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
