Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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