I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
