You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
