Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you had me at cake vodka
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is my gift to your gina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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