Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
