How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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