someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
