i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize