you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
