Im at strip club and am horny
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
