ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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