my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
