I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
