I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
