Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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