he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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