holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize