3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
