my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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