I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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