I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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