last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
