ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
