hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
