You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize