I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
