So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
