Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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