There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
