I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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