have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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