I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
