Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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