They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
