were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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