im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
