Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
