did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize