I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
