The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
