First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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