Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
